Ad Libitum

Well, a friend of mine pointed out I've been neglecting this blog lately, and I'm afraid it's largely been as a result of having little to say. Still, I was flattered in a way that he said so.

Ad-libbing, then, will be the method for today.

I'm still writing, though not as much as I ought to in the last few weeks. A form of apathy has set in I think. Conversely, I've taken on another couple of writing projects - working on a script for a film-maker friend, and stories for an RPG 'choose your own adventure' style app. Maybe the increased workload and decreased willingness to do it are related.

Another possibility is that I've somewhat written myself into a corner. I know what has to happen in order for the plot to progress, but the logistics of it are elusive for now. Perhaps some ad-libbing would be the answer there too.

Overall, I'm trying to stay true to my own (admittedly second-hand) advice from previous entries, and just get on with it. Write it first and worry about the quality second. They say it takes around a fortnight to form a habit (performing the exercise daily), I wonder how long it takes to break one? A much shorter time I'd wager, and I'm afraid that's just what I've done. Here's hoping this blog entry, and the 500 words I'm (surely, ever so surely) going to force myself to do immediately following are day one of my fortnight.

On the theme of ad-libs, here's a poem:

We are what we do,
Yet nothing can
Perform no action.
May I be what I think?
Aye indeed,
If you write it down.

Therefore I am?
Nay,
Therefore I do.

Cheers,
Matthew

Doldrums

My latest lesson from my writing course talks about the 'mid-novel doldrums'. Ironic because it comes just as I'm slowing down a little with regards to my written output.

It talks about how having a plan, or at least an outline, helps with this. So long as you know where to start, and where you're trying to get to, you can be creative with the journey. 'Always know where your horizon is', my mother told me once. The problem could be inspiration, or simple logistics. If you're bored or unmotivated in the middle, put something in to make it more interesting, it suggests. A line from Macbeth comes to my mind when I consider this:
"I am in blood steeped so far, that turning back were to be as tedious as continuing on."

The idea that the fact that you have come a certain distance infers that you ought to carry on to the conclusion rings logically false, but is compelling none the less. There is a satisfaction, a sense of achievement in finishing what we begin - and most certainly the idea that we should strive to have fun along the way is a good one, if a touch sappy. Maybe it's better to 'suffer for your art'. All creation is born of suffering, it's said. Then again, one man's hell....The idioms contradict and confuse; there's one for every opinion it seems.

Personally, I do believe that putting your nose to the grindstone and just bloody well getting it done has tremendous appeal - as an idea. Actually doing it is where the difficulty can be found, and also where we are tempted, if not well-advised, to sneak a little of the fun in. It's a cheat in a way, a very good one. Perhaps another quote puts it more succinctly:
"I hate writing, I love having written." - Dorothy Parker.

Is it just the journey's end we seek? Is looking back better than looking forward? Maybe rose-tinted glasses are a conceit we allow ourselves, excusing one another in return for the same favour in a circle of mild hypocrisy.

I've noticed that I've been taking examples about writing and trying to equate them to a broad range of things without having set out to do so. Except this time. I think the above musings can apply to almost any process we undertake.

Anyways, off to fill my pen with blood, and enjoy it never the less.

Cheers.

What's In A Name?

"A rose by any other name, would smell just as sweet."

Doubtless this is true, but that doesn't mean there's no such thing as degrees of 'good' or 'bad' in a name. Even The Simpsons joked about this, imagining they were called 'stinkweeds' or 'crapblossoms'. Names matter, especially with people. They are one of the things that influence the way we think of someone.

Naming characters in fiction is something many people have difficulty with. It's obviously important that the reader gets the correct impression of the character, and one of the first things they will (usually) learn about a member of your cast is their name.

Some names will just feel right, others very wrong. There are studies that show how certain names, even just certain sounds, carry ideas with them. Names with prominent consonant or glottal components tend to sound stronger, for example.
"Your middle name's Judas, but you tell everyone it's Johnathan," quips Lister to Rimmer in Red Dwarf. It's a good example. Judas, of course is a name chosen for comedy; it's hard to imagine a less desirable yet still legitimate name, but even if you'd never heard the story of Judas I dare say you could see in some way how Johnathan is a 'stronger', somehow more masculine or heroic-sounding name.

In high or heroic fantasy, or when writing for children, it's a little different. Names can be totally invented, or lifted from/inspired by mythology, and they tend to identify whether a character is good or bad very readily.
Sauron. Saruman. Sinister, soft, sibilant - you can guess these guys are evil. Darth Vader, Cruella D'eville, Skeletor (ok, going a bit far :p), they all wear their hearts on their metaphorically monogrammed sleeves.
Aragorn, Gandalf, James Kirk, Luke Skywalker, Optimus Prime (I had to...), these are clearly good guy names. They're heroic, strong, and they avoid those serpentine soft sounds.

There's more to it than the above of course. Maybe you want a character who's 'ordinary', but still good, or with heroic potential. Harry Potter and Frodo Baggins are good examples of this kind of name. Ultimately, you just have to trust your instinct I guess, and decide whether you want a big 'good/bad guy' label stamped across a character or not. Chances are, if a name feels a certain way to you, it will to other people too.

Cheers.

500 Words

Well, here we are, wracking up the posts and over 100 views. I must say I'm fairly chuffed with that. It has occured to me though that i've offered none of my writing!

I'm currently around half way through an online course in novel-writing, and as part of it produced a few 500ish word pieces. Each had a specific instruction (to focus on desciption, to write in the first person etc) and I must say I'd recommend the exercise to ay others learning the craft.

I even developed a character through a series of them; tied a few pieces together. I'd like to bring him to life sometime in a full novel, but until now he exists in a few short snippets which chart his difficulties in love and life. 'Lad Lit' I'm told it is; young men writing about young men, mainly read by curious women. Certainly not the fantasy and SF I usually gravitate towards, but somehow it's what I ended up with.

Here's one, hope you enjoy it.

Scars

He pretended to be asleep as she lightly traced the scars on his shoulders and upper arms with her fingers. They hadn't made love. This was the end of the evening during which she had told him about her boyfriend. He still offered her a place to stay, it would save her a late and expensive taxi ride. Truth be told, he also wanted one last (last – the word was a dagger) night with her. He hadn't known he'd been 'the other man'. He thought they were just ex partners giving one another physical and emotional comfort. Expressing fondness for the way things used to be. They were old scars and he'd promised never to revisit that habit. They were like his relationship with her, he thought sadly.

A suggestion of a tear gave away that he was still awake.

“Please don't cry,” she said. “You know it wasn't right of us.”

“I didn't know it was anything,” he answered neutrally, successfully suppressing what would have been a whimper in his voice.

There was a letter he'd written her four months ago. He hadn't the courage to send it. It felt like an all-or-nothing gambit to do so. It would bring them back together, or permanently end their intimacy. Now, that had happened anyway. He had slipped the letter into her handbag when she was preparing for bed. She'd find it in the morning, hopefully after she'd gotten home.

Cassandra,

The last weeks and months have meant a lot to me. I know we parted as a couple years ago and for good reasons, but I feel I care for you more now than I ever did when we were together. I want you to know that. I didn't love you back then. I'm sorry I wasn't better to you. Better for you. If we took another chance it would be different. It would be better, because now, I love you.

I don't know if this will come as a surprise to you. I don't think I've hidden my feelings. I didn't know I was unhappy -didn't know I was lonely – that I'd missed you, till recently.

I hope I've done no harm.

I hope you can imagine what it could be like for us.

Love,

John.

He was frightened. He felt on the crest of something. He knew he'd made her his emotional centre and that it was not a healthy thing to do. But it was so good when it was good. He'd felt happy. He knew the reverse would be true. The pain and loneliness would be similarly magnified.

And this other guy. This George. When he looked at her now he saw only his hands on her. When she spoke he heard her moaning his name.

When he was sure she was asleep, he allowed himself to cry, crept out of bed, and tore up the letter.

On Reading

"A man who reads lives 1000 lives. A man who does not lives only one."

I'm not sure who said that, when I tried to look it up, George R. R. Martin is credited with a very similar quote, through one of his characters. I'm pretty sure I've seen it ascribed to someone else though. Not terribly important I guess.

I remembered it because I liked it. It is a good thing said about people like myself. Lots of people, myself included, make reading a lot and having a nice collection of books on display a part of their self-identity. There's a sense of pride in it. The irony in my case may be that I seized on the idea of the quote because otherwise I may have had to honestly say that my life was not a particularly full one.

People do it with other things too. Most of my friends are very into music and there is almost a sense of competition over how encyclopedic one's knowledge on the subject is. Kinda like 'hipsters' I think.
"Oh, you're into Black Metal? I've been into it for 10 years. Did you know such and such blah blah. You really ought to listen to band you've never heard of...."
A little irritating sometimes, but we all do it with things we're passionate about. There's a sense of ownership that develops when you feel like you're an authority; You're basically saying, 'I'm glad we have this shared interest, now let me educate you....'

I do it with books, even though i'm not actually that well read by some standards. A handful of classics, the sort they make you read in school, and about one contemporary novel a month. While I sometimes think I really ought to be pulling another Jane Austen or something of that ilk from the bookstore shelf rather than something modern and therefore more engaging (I liken it to heading down to the chippy instead of cooking a decent meal), I also think that it's important to read the sort of stuff you're trying to write.

There're a couple of things to be mindful of though. If you're writing (for example) SF, and consequently reading plenty of it, you may see ideas that you thought were your own already done. Likely done better too (music again: 'Great riff man. Sounds a bit like that one motorhead one though..'). In this case, don't forget that you're reading an edited and final version. Of course it's going to be more polished than your in-progress first draft. Also be aware that there are not any original stories, only original ways to tell them. Read up on Joseph campbell and the 'monomyth'. You'll see the same basic story structures time and time again. Even (especially :p) in religion. It's like bad kerning, once you learn what it is, you see it everywhere.

The other thing to be aware of is reading when you should be writing. It can become one of your better excuses to avoid actual work, because it feels like it qualifies as something a writer should be doing. It's similar to research in that respect. Yes you should do things which will improve and aid your writing, but you should do them as well as, not instead of the writing itself.

Cheers.

42

Religion and politics are not fun at parties, and as a result neither was I for a long time.

I admired (still do) people like Christopher Hitchens and Richard Dawkins. I would watch their debates on youtube or wherever else I could find them. I have two copies of  'The God Delusion' because it was an easy choice to gift me for my friends.

When asked (ok, I usually volunteered the information at a slight opportunity) I would call myself a materialist. I'd expand on that, saying that the things we hold so dear such as love and happiness are only chemical and hormonal states. Well, that's true isn't it? Still a bollocks thing to say though. Even Hitch would (when told that there would be no beauty in his world view) extoll the virtues of the numinous.

I think he was saying that it's how we react to these things, or their lack, that matters. Not their origins or explanations. I believe that if you deny yourself sentiment and a sense of the romantic, you also deny others the ability to ascribe those characteristics to you. Smart man.

Well, that's interesting and kinda deep, like any good snippet from such debates, but what about the more mundane? Can we think about simple things similarly? Pick one from column A and one from column B:

A                                                  B
- Want                                          - Have
- Don't want                                   - Do not have

In what way are you actively trying to keep something you have and want, attain something you don't have but want etc? It's easy to be precious about your own ideology, to only look outwards from in, and to claim that things are as they are. You may add that it's not fair.

I don't think that the universe owes us meaning or happiness - part of my personal ideology, but it was dangerous and damaging to allow that to rule my behaviour and attitude.

Whether you believe there's an angel on your shoulder, fairies at the bottom of the garden, fate written in the stars, or in nothing at all: You have to look both ways crossing the street, look inwards from out now and then, and seek in order to find.

A little of life, a little of the universe, certainly not everything, and almost certainly naive.

Cheers.

Sex, Violence, and the Keyboard

I'm not particularly shy about sex. I have little experience with violence. I can curse like a man who learned language observing a group of blindfolded and barefoot misanthropes attempting to navigate a maze mined with loose lego bricks (I've been watching Red Dwarf).

What does this mean when I write? Well, I do have inhibitions and a fairly constant awareness that an author reveals something of his/herself on the page. I sometimes catch myself wondering what my mother would think if she read what I'd written. If you write a young man losing his virginity, are you telling everyone who ever reads it about how you lost yours? If you're writing from experience, then I suppose you are, to an extent. If you're not, it mightn't be as believable. Is your main character just like you, and will people pick up on it? Again, yes. But only if they know you.

Starting off, allowing others to read your work is one of the first hurdles. You'll show it to friends or family, they'll smile and politely tell you it's very good. Well done! The value of this feedback in and of itself is likely questionable, but the value in taking the step to attain it is high. If you work hard and steadily improve you will get to the point when people you will never meet are reading your stuff (I do believe it's a matter of work and practice. Luck and natural talent will help of course, but you can get pretty good anything if you do enough of it). The big difference, besides what it means about where you are in your career, is whether or not the audience knows you. Hell, you can even use a pen-name if you decide to try your hand at something a bit niche.

Murder? Fucking? Foul mouthed characters doing the killing and copulating? You might not be too comfortable about some of the people in your life reading it. I'm not saying you'd be right or wrong about that - I've written a few scenes I wouldn't be keen to share with family - but if it improves the piece, then it should be there. You are constrained first, only by yourself. Second by your target audience. I write mainly YA (young adult) myself, so I can, and do have a bit of sex, swearing and violence. I will admit though, it was a little leap of faith to start adding the grown-up stuff.

There is of course a difference between:
They made love...
And a descriptive, blow by blow (oh dear...) account. I guess which you would use depends on whether you are advancing plot or developing characters. It's something I'm still experimenting with myself. Any thoughts on this are very welcome!

Cheers.